By Your Side- Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go





I never really paid attention to this song by Tenth Avenue North until the youth band at my church sang it. It was all about Jesus... less about the music. Wow. Made me cry. ("Touched me...right here." -Said that to the guys and they made fun of me after that so had to put it in here! )


But really.. I try to earn grace. I try so very hard to be the best this or that. And those things I strive for are mostly good things! I do want to please Jesus. Its so important to me. So important. But if i'm honest... "even my repentance needs to be washed in the blood of Jesus." If my best and most 'amazing' gifts to Him have any motive at all of self seeking.. then its all dirt. All of it. 


But His grace covers just that, yall. He is NEVER letting us go. God, im tired of striving. Not really sure exactly how to stop... but giving Him the first word of every day will lead me. As will the Holy Spirit. 

'My body, My soul longs for You, Jesus'

What does it mean to long for God with our body? David expresses a deep desire, an anguish of the body, in seeking for God's honey of the heart, in psalm 63.

O God, You are my God,
    earnestly I seek You;
my soul thirsts for You,
    my body longs for You,
in a dry and weary land
    where there is no water.

I have seen You in the sanctuary
   and beheld Your power and Your
          glory.
Because Your love is better than life,
   my lips will glorify You.
I will praise You as long as I live,
    and in Your name I will lift up my
           hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the
           richest of foods;
     with singing lips my mouth will
           praise You.

On my bed I remember you;
   I think of You through the watches
            of the night.
Because You are my help.
   I sing in the shadow of Your wings.
My soul clings to You;
   your right hand upholds me.



I don't exactly know the ins and outs of this passage.

But I know Jesus aches my heart for Him. This is good. This discomfort pushes me forward... I never thought I would pray for more..more discomfort.

My Family

Here is what drives me the most crazy, makes me the most nervous, gets me the most upset, drives my temper up the wall, but here is what i love, what my heart is devoted to, and here are the people who are my people. Glad to know them :)

This is my mother. We are so alike its un-real. 

We both love books, flowers, dissecting issues, old-time movies and hate movie trailers. 

Hokay. This is daddy with a shaved face (only picture of him w/o a beard since I was born). 

He looks weird! But he is wise, loves to golf, and is OBSESSED with the Georgia Bulldogs.

My sisser. She is the sweetest, funniest, and craziest. She is willing to try my patience,

and willing to take my temper too. I love her, and appreciate who she is.

This is me and Clifford. or Cwifford. or Ford. or precious baby, baby boy, sweet boy. 

Needless to say, I have lots of pet names for my pet. 

My sisser and I on christmas. Thats arnold, the Teddy I made her so she could remember me all the time :) Arnold because he has a football head. 

This is Clifford in his favorite outfit. (and only outfit).

He gets mad when we try to take it off.

He is THAT dog. We are NOT that family. 

Okay.. maybe we are. 

This is my cousin James wearing my lobster boxers. We had to change into comfy and dry clothes after playing in the ice that christmas.

This is my Big Daddy. He is married to Granna Lee and they are the sweetest and love so well.

Big daddy always wears overalls. Maybe 1 time a year he doesnt. Love it.

Sami and Daddy cheesin it

This picture of my Mom and Daddy reminds me of James Bond. They look so serious. At least mom does...Daddy doesn't have a serious bone in his body.

This is me and my cousin Sidney eating yummy chocolate balls! She is so goofy!

After graduation, or something for graduation. Sami, Me, and My amazing cousin Taylor. LOVE her.

This is my Grandma. She lives next door and I absolutely love her style. She has a million flowered hats.

She accompanied me while I jumped out of an air plane.

My Tay! I cannot tell you how much I adore her!

So this is some of my family... we love each other and put up with each other. And through everything thats happened with us, were a hard bunch to separate! 

Bad Things

Today I went to the UCC cafe at UWG for lunch by myself. As company I read my Bible, for it is wise to know the one you love more deeply every day.

As I was reading and eating my chef salad (which by the way, salads are a very awkward food to eat by yourself...maybe because of the mess factor) a guy walked by and said "I don't know many people who read the Bible.. are you reading for fun?'

Okay, this seemed easy enough. He didn't join me, however He did stand close by, I think he was in a hurry.

I said, "Yes I am reading for fun." However, after much debate in my heart on whether or not reading the Bible is actually fun this was my conclusion....(much after the guy had left) ... Reading the Bible is equivalent to eating. Sometimes eating can be fun, like when consuming silly foods, daddy's delectable steaks,  or forbidden candy you are only allowed to have during halloween. But mostly, eating is done to sustain life. A sandwich, fiber/protein bar , Chick-fi-la on the run, salad... non of these necessarily fun but necessary. The Bible is our food, some stories are exciting and passion inspiring, but we read to learn and grow and sustain our soul in rightness with God.

He went on to say he read Genesis through Exodus but became bored and sad because it was all mean (still seeming to be in a rush). I'm nodding and listening to hear what else he might offer as a conversation (not conversion) sustainer. I just wanted to talk and hear his side. He said "especially Job.. thats just mean! God seems to be very mean!

This is where I said God allowed the devil to make Job suffer, God was testing Job's faith in Him and in return (after Job did not sin against God) God got the glory, God getting the glory is the purpose behind Job and the rest of the Bible.

Doesn't that sound right? Partially it is. The point behind everything is for God to get the glory. However, we cannot only pin the bad things on the Devil and the good things on God... everything that happens in this world is in God's hands.

A side note in my Bible says it better " God is not in charge of only the good things that happen, impotently observing as bad things happen, but He is sovereignly in control of all things, good and bad. He permits His children to endure testing. One who only accepts the good from God's hands risks rejecting Him completely when things do not work out as desired. Such a limited acceptance of God's wisdom is foolish."

Job 2:10 states the same. " But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips."


This brings me to say that , as of now, this is as far as my understanding of why bad things happen in this world goes. Im not suggesting you don't study the Bible and everything else for valid  reasons, but when you do search, don't search for what makes you feel good about the world. There are more important things than YOU in this world. We can glorify God by accepting who He is, and being open to Him revealing Himself to us.

Falling in Love with Jesus...

Mmmmmm... to fall in love. To be someone's beloved, not just Jesus'.... 


Those thoughts of ours are sweet, but blasphemous. To desire anything over Jesus is to whore for the world. (Judges 2:17 -They whored after other gods)

So God wants to be our everything. That includes 'husband' so to speak. In a way that He becomes our obsessive thought during our 'courting' or times we pursue Him back, for He is constantly pursuing us.

How can I allow Jesus to fulfill my relational needs by Himself? with Himself? 


I want to be loved. - "...I have loved you with an everlasting love..." (Jer. 31:3)

I want someone to adore me. - The King has brought me into His chambers to adore me. My love is       outstanding among 10,000 (see Song 1:4, 5:10) .

I want someone to hold my hand. - "...I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Is. 41:10)

I want to be accepted and valued. - I am accepted in the Beloved. (see Eph. 1:6)

I want help in my days of trouble. - "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you..." (Psalm 50:15)

I want a champion of my causes--one who is willing to fight for me. - "The Lord will fight for you..." (Ex. 14:14)

I want intimacy. - The Lord is intimate with the upright. (see Psalm 140:13)

I want someone to help me in my life. - There is no one like God who rides the heavens to help you. (see Deut. 33:26)



I don't necessarily think I'm supposed to "date" Jesus.... but I do believe that He is more than enough to fulfill what I THINK a man is needed to fulfill. Obviously, there is no need I have that Jesus can not more than satisfy. Jesus is more than sufficient to provide for our relational needs.

Studying how Jesus wants to be my everything has made me very conscious of how easily I've taken my heart and given it so easily to others; friends and boys alike. God is a jealous God, I forget. How many times have I looked forward to a date, text, or hangout OVER God. Not that those are bad things, but the way I gave them attention when I did not give The Word a respectful or obsessive amount of time is sinful. (obsessive because thats how I become with relationships...I get too girly) My daddy once instructed me to spend more time in the Bible than I did in any other one thing. I would read a book a day and give Jesus the attention I would give a TV commercial. Proportionately blasphemous. So now, its still hard to give Jesus Word more time than a good fiction. So they've been set aside for the time being. (Jesus did that for me, the books I ordered have taken a ridiculously long time to come in.)

Norah Jones song, "The Nearness of You", is a near perfect explanation to how I feel about Jesus sometimes. Have a listen. (Mind you, its a little loosely represented)

"I need no soft lights to enchant me, (no romances), if You only grant me the right to hold You ever so tight."