Bad Things

Today I went to the UCC cafe at UWG for lunch by myself. As company I read my Bible, for it is wise to know the one you love more deeply every day.

As I was reading and eating my chef salad (which by the way, salads are a very awkward food to eat by yourself...maybe because of the mess factor) a guy walked by and said "I don't know many people who read the Bible.. are you reading for fun?'

Okay, this seemed easy enough. He didn't join me, however He did stand close by, I think he was in a hurry.

I said, "Yes I am reading for fun." However, after much debate in my heart on whether or not reading the Bible is actually fun this was my conclusion....(much after the guy had left) ... Reading the Bible is equivalent to eating. Sometimes eating can be fun, like when consuming silly foods, daddy's delectable steaks,  or forbidden candy you are only allowed to have during halloween. But mostly, eating is done to sustain life. A sandwich, fiber/protein bar , Chick-fi-la on the run, salad... non of these necessarily fun but necessary. The Bible is our food, some stories are exciting and passion inspiring, but we read to learn and grow and sustain our soul in rightness with God.

He went on to say he read Genesis through Exodus but became bored and sad because it was all mean (still seeming to be in a rush). I'm nodding and listening to hear what else he might offer as a conversation (not conversion) sustainer. I just wanted to talk and hear his side. He said "especially Job.. thats just mean! God seems to be very mean!

This is where I said God allowed the devil to make Job suffer, God was testing Job's faith in Him and in return (after Job did not sin against God) God got the glory, God getting the glory is the purpose behind Job and the rest of the Bible.

Doesn't that sound right? Partially it is. The point behind everything is for God to get the glory. However, we cannot only pin the bad things on the Devil and the good things on God... everything that happens in this world is in God's hands.

A side note in my Bible says it better " God is not in charge of only the good things that happen, impotently observing as bad things happen, but He is sovereignly in control of all things, good and bad. He permits His children to endure testing. One who only accepts the good from God's hands risks rejecting Him completely when things do not work out as desired. Such a limited acceptance of God's wisdom is foolish."

Job 2:10 states the same. " But he said to her, 'You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips."


This brings me to say that , as of now, this is as far as my understanding of why bad things happen in this world goes. Im not suggesting you don't study the Bible and everything else for valid  reasons, but when you do search, don't search for what makes you feel good about the world. There are more important things than YOU in this world. We can glorify God by accepting who He is, and being open to Him revealing Himself to us.

Falling in Love with Jesus...

Mmmmmm... to fall in love. To be someone's beloved, not just Jesus'.... 


Those thoughts of ours are sweet, but blasphemous. To desire anything over Jesus is to whore for the world. (Judges 2:17 -They whored after other gods)

So God wants to be our everything. That includes 'husband' so to speak. In a way that He becomes our obsessive thought during our 'courting' or times we pursue Him back, for He is constantly pursuing us.

How can I allow Jesus to fulfill my relational needs by Himself? with Himself? 


I want to be loved. - "...I have loved you with an everlasting love..." (Jer. 31:3)

I want someone to adore me. - The King has brought me into His chambers to adore me. My love is       outstanding among 10,000 (see Song 1:4, 5:10) .

I want someone to hold my hand. - "...I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Is. 41:10)

I want to be accepted and valued. - I am accepted in the Beloved. (see Eph. 1:6)

I want help in my days of trouble. - "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you..." (Psalm 50:15)

I want a champion of my causes--one who is willing to fight for me. - "The Lord will fight for you..." (Ex. 14:14)

I want intimacy. - The Lord is intimate with the upright. (see Psalm 140:13)

I want someone to help me in my life. - There is no one like God who rides the heavens to help you. (see Deut. 33:26)



I don't necessarily think I'm supposed to "date" Jesus.... but I do believe that He is more than enough to fulfill what I THINK a man is needed to fulfill. Obviously, there is no need I have that Jesus can not more than satisfy. Jesus is more than sufficient to provide for our relational needs.

Studying how Jesus wants to be my everything has made me very conscious of how easily I've taken my heart and given it so easily to others; friends and boys alike. God is a jealous God, I forget. How many times have I looked forward to a date, text, or hangout OVER God. Not that those are bad things, but the way I gave them attention when I did not give The Word a respectful or obsessive amount of time is sinful. (obsessive because thats how I become with relationships...I get too girly) My daddy once instructed me to spend more time in the Bible than I did in any other one thing. I would read a book a day and give Jesus the attention I would give a TV commercial. Proportionately blasphemous. So now, its still hard to give Jesus Word more time than a good fiction. So they've been set aside for the time being. (Jesus did that for me, the books I ordered have taken a ridiculously long time to come in.)

Norah Jones song, "The Nearness of You", is a near perfect explanation to how I feel about Jesus sometimes. Have a listen. (Mind you, its a little loosely represented)

"I need no soft lights to enchant me, (no romances), if You only grant me the right to hold You ever so tight."

How can you hear?

How can you hear with your ears closed? 
How can you see without open eyes? 
You don't even know where I'm from 
But you sure had me crucified 

If you listen with your heart now, 
Your rhymes and all your reasons change so much 
I don't even know you... 
As if that makes a difference 

Everybody's got something to get over now 
Your bleeding comes from deep inside 
Well, don't throw away your chance to be whole again 
It's not over now 

Can you feel the vibrations 
stirring through your heartstream now? 
You're in a bad situation, 
But I know you can make it out 

If you listen with your heart now, 
Your rhymes and all your reasons turn to dust 
I don't need to know you 
To know it makes a difference 

Everybody's got something to get over now 
Your bleeding comes from deep inside 
Well, don't throw away your chance to be whole again 
It's not over now 

Have you ever seen the light? 
It's waiting for you 
Have you felt that things aren't right? 
It's waiting for you 

Don't throw away your chance to wake 

Everybody's got something to get over now 
Your bleeding comes from deep inside 
Well, don't throw away your chance to be whole again 
It's not over now


How can you hear- by Jason Harwell


I said, show me Your truth Jesus, and He showed me this song. 

Negative feelings with a negative outlook

Lift my fears, fall to my knees. I am able to be discouraged after all Jesus has shown me.. after all the testimonies I've heard. Just reminding myself, as well as hopefully reminding you, that all we need is Jesus. All. The more I pray it the more real it will become. Hah I tell so many of the youth I help lead that Jesus does not expect perfection after salvation. or Salvation does not equal perfection but a promise for the Holy Spirit make us the truest form of us.. Salvation is Jesus saying, "All of Heaven its time to celebrate! This Beloved is MINE! WhooHoo! I'm never letting go!" as He continues His work in our lives.

"So hold on my darlin', its goin' to be bumpy. So buckle in tightly..."

I don't have anything to prove.

When you think "my identity..", who do you say you are? or  Who do you want to be?
Is all this seeking who we are , us trying to prove something?

This question seems so hard to answer to me so it got me thinking...

What is the core of these questions, "What is my identity?" or "Who am I?". Okay so maybe we should ask, "What does an Identity consist of?" Is it something able to be labled? Such as popular, nerd, athletic, artistic, musical, dramatic, ugly, pretty, crazy, reserved, black, white, gay, straight, christian, or muslim? Are one of those lables what people see when they look at us? Are those lables what we think of ourselves? Do these things proclaim why we exist? (maybe thats the real question..."What am I doing here?")

None of those things tell anyone who you are. They all talk about things you believe about yourself or do. Not that they are all bad things. Like I am indeed a christian. But is that my identity? Is who I am really found in something I believe?

Hard questions. Because when we talk about this we get so close to the Truth!

We want to be known. Yeah, you're scared of someone knowing the deepest scariest places in your heart.. But guess what you're asking when you ask about your identity. You want someone to recognize WHO you are. Not what you do. Not what you look like . Not what you like. (Don't even get me started that all these things will pass away!)

You want someone to know the deepest parts of you. The good and great parts, the evil desires, the beautiful desires, and still want to know you. To strip down everything we consider our identity and see the core of why we exist. I don't know that we can find our 'identity' in any word. I do believe, however, that we can find freedom from trying to be someone, and let Jesus break through our walls and let Him stand there as our stronghold.

I've found my identity in many things before. Some good to the worlds standards, even some bad to the worlds standards. I have never been filled before allowing Jesus to BE for me.

Look guys, I know you all know something about  me. If you've known me lately you  might even say I'm a pretty good girl. Please, don't flatter me. "Pretty good girl" is not my identity.

Identity isn't what we long for. We long to be known and loved.

Maybe we were never meant to search for who we are. Maybe we just are.

Just maybe we don't have to prove anything.

Maybe we don't have anything to prove...

Just maybe Jesus really is who He says He is.

"For the death that He died, He died to sin once and for all; but the life that He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus."
Romans 6:10-11
                                                                  

Be still...

Being still is a foreign concept to me.

I cant count on two hands the things that have gone wrong the last few weeks, yet God is asking me to be still? What!?

I have a million and two things to do before school starts. How can I be still and wait? wait for what?? for these things that "keep my life running" to complete themselves?

I hear "Get it done whatever the cost. Excel. Be the best you, you can be. Be strong. You can do it. "


'Be still my child, your toils are not necessary. Here, let me carry that heavy class load for you. Yes, Casey, give me your transportation to college, I will provide. Ask me for patience with Sami, I will supply you with what I demand. You're upset about things that are not everlasting, sweet child of mine, I AM. You have stumbled and while carrying your own heart. Focus on Me. Give Me every thing. Youre anchored in Me."

Im anchored in love divine!  His love shall control me in life and in death.
-Anchored in love by Jenny and Tyler.

Carry Me- Jenny and Tyler

Jesus is THE Truth.

Okay.. so we all know Stumbleupon is a big way to waste our time.. though I found a site on Contradictions in the Bible. This was very interesting to me. I believe if there is no Jesus then we are wasting our time. (Though don't get me wrong, undoubtably there is.) I also believe God will come out as the Truth if indeed He is, so I seek truth. The site posted numerous contradictions, giving a phrase then verses to dispute. [[ I would like to note that in order to be a contradiction, someone must deny the truth of one statement and proclaim the opposite. That will never be seen in scripture, for God cannot deny Truth, therefore He cannot deny Himself. ]] Here are some fabulous examples:

1. How many men did the chief of David's captains kill? 2 Sam 23:8 - 1 Chron 11:11
 Contradiction? Nah.. look it up for yourself. I laughed.. different number of men killed yes, also different chief.

2. Who was Abijam's mother? (nevermind that I dont know who Abijam is.. ill study him later.) 1 Kings 15:1-2-2 Chron 13:1-2
Misspelling. Its Machaah vs Michaiah. You decide if this is enough to claim God does not exist.

3. Was Abraham justified by faith or works? Romans 4:2-James 2:21
Contradiction? Purely vs by vs, yes. Paul is so fun to study to me because he is sarcastic...
  The contradiction is disproven by simply reading one sentence further. God has always saved by Faith btw... He never changes, guys.

4. What color was Jesus' robe? Mat 27:28- Mark 15:17.
 Error? Yes.  Purple vs. Scarlett. Good thing the big saying today is "Nobody's perfect!" or "I'm only human!" Yeah guys, believe it or not, the authors were human. Seeing as the contradiction is not on whether Jesus died or not, or whether He rose from the grave, I think we're still standing on rock solid ground.

5. Is it good to be happy? Proverbs 17:22 - Ecc. 7:3-4.
Contradiction? No. Words of wisdom appeal to certain circumstances.

Many "contradictions" are considered so because :

o  The reader compares one verse to another without continuing the authors' thought.
o  The author misspelled a name, place.
o  Intellectual dishonesty.
o  Comparing the Old covenant to the New covenant. (Rules have indeed changed, thanks to Jesus, the ultimate sacrifice.)
o  Authors compared have different details. (purple vs. scarlette, # 4)
o  The question asked is very one sided. (#5)

I could go further, and undoubtably will. I will continue to seek to disprove my God because He always has, and always will come out on the side of Truth.

Also, be left with this: seek truth! It is important, and very interesting actually, also if you seek truth and are honest with yourself, you will always end up on the right side. I'm seeking truth, even yet, as I have found Him. If you find that you have disproven my God, please don't leave me in the blue.

Thanks for reading,

Casey